Has genealogy gone ‘mean’? I'm beginning to wonder!
In today’s world of Facebook
groups, blogs, message boards & comment sections – there are no shortage of
opportunities for people to ‘speak their minds’. And lately, I’ve been taken
aback by the level of “meanness” that’s been displayed.
Don’t get me wrong, I
still consider genealogists to be among the most helpful people out there – but
there is no place for rudeness in our world!
In the future, before you post a comment, reply, or ‘vent’ –
I ask you to
consider these 6 questions:
-Is this truly helpful
-Have I fully read/understood what
I’m replying to
-Would I appreciate this response
if I received it
-Is my ‘vent’ appropriate, on
subject or necessary
-Am I sharing vs lecturing
-Would I say this if we
were face to face
Genealogy itself is a vague hobby.
We all have different techniques, methods, goals and end results. One isn’t
necessarily better than the other. It’s a very personalized hobby. Much of it is personal preference vs
right/wrong. All of us have been at for various lengths of time and
with varying degrees of activity. And longtime genealogists are very well are
of how drastically our hobby has changed in the last 20 years with the advent
of the internet.
I encourage you to regularly ask
yourselves those 6 questions. If we aren’t being kind or helpful to one another
– let’s just pass on sharing that with everyone.
Recently, on a Facebook group I belong to – a gentleman posted about searching
for the burial locale of some ancestors. His quest was clear – he stated what
he’d already done and what he was hoping to accomplish. Anyone who read his
brief post should have had no questions or doubts… but many of the responses were
anything but helpful. In his original post he state he was “desperate to find
burial information”. One of the first responses was from a lady who shamed
& criticized this man, stating “I can’t imagine being desperate to know
anything – I’d like to know, but to be desperate…” And BANG! the debate over
desperate was off. And completely inappropriate & off topic, besides not at
all helpful. Another responder, a self-identified Findagrave rule expert,
opened the always contensious subject of Findagrave – again, off subject and
not appropriate. It took great restraint for me to not jump into those
discussions but that doesn’t help to join an angry mob. Incidentally, I have no idea if
the poor man ever found any help with his original post.
Not long ago, I received a shockingly rude email from someone regarding a Findagrave memorial. I couldn't believe the tone and condescending nature. Of course this person did not message me thru F.A.G, but instead emailed me (I have my address listed), with their anonymous no-name email address. I just did not understand the need to be rude.
It’s no surprise to me to see the frequent posts “I’m leaving this group due to rudeness/negativitiy” –
and there are countless others I’m sure who stay silent, keeping their great offerings to
themselves – or leave quietly without a word to anyone.
Yes. I know. Findagrave is NOT a perfect site.
Yes. Ancestry is far from perfect.
Is it productive to rant and rave against these resources. No. Probably not.
Some of us are "experts" and some are "novices".
Is my way better than yours? Yours better than mine?
Discussions are wonderful. Arguments, not so much so.
Personally, I use the resources I like. Ignore the ones I don't. I follow blogs and read articles that I find interesting and pass by those I do not. I rarely comment on contentious posts or subjects. My time is worth more than that. And so should yours!
We live in a world of opinions. And we now have much easier avenues in which to share those opinions. We can still teach, disagree, and even dislike in a respectful manner!
This is my own form of "ranting & raving". If you've read to the end, know my intentions are pure and my only hope is that it might cause a few people to pause, and be a little kinder.
Remember those 6 questions above.
Remember we're all in this together.
Be Kind & Keep Digging!!
The Dead Relative Collector will take a short hiatus posting any further "mystery" photos or documents until after the New Year. With the Holiday hustle & bustle, this blogger could use a break... and is also aware that readers are otherwise occupied with more pressing priorities!
